I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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