when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
