They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Randomize
