Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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