I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
