Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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