And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
