Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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