He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
