Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
