I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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