My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
