it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
