Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
