oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
