Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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