The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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