I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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