Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
