I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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