I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Acid is not a monday night drug
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
sex in a hospital.. check
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
