Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
