Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
