You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
