I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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