I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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