I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
