don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
