...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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