kristin has been a bad kristin
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
