I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
