dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
