wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
