chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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