omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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