When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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