My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
