I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
