i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
