ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
