nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
