can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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