She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
