So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
