hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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