I met the friendliest cop last night
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
