if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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