even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
