The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
