Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
nutella sex= disaster
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
