drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i think my cat just said my name.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
