Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
