Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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