i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
