I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
my liver is dry heaving
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
