If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
