He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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