Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
