Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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