dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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