I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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